The Endless Struggle

  Random Survival 3

  The Endless Struggle

  Ray Wenck

  Dedicated to survivors everywhere.

  One

  “Do you see them?” Caryn’s voice was near panic, again.

  “Shhh! Mel said in a hushed tone, but with a forceful look. “Get down and don’t move,” she commanded. “And don’t make a sound.” Her gaze held the tall blonde’s, until the woman nodded. Mel moved to a large old oak, crouched behind it and scanned the long spans of open ground they’d just covered.

  Both women fought to control their heavy breathing after the long run. Caryn pulled up her knees tight to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She lowered her head and leaned against the small birch she hid behind.

  Looking through her small binoculars, Mel panned along the woods to the south. Something dark flashed between the trees. She spotted four more dark forms moving away from them and knew they had taken the bait. She relaxed and hoped Tara would be safe. The ache in her heart again made her wonder whether separating had been the right thing to do. But Tara had been adamant and was off before Mel could voice her concern or offer an alternative plan.

  Seeing Mel stiffen, Caryn must have thought the men were coming for them. “Oh, God!”

  Mel heard Caryn’s cry. “Relax,” she said, more forcefully than intended. “I don’t see anyone. We might be okay.”

  Caryn lifted her head. Tears filled her eyes. Upon seeing the welled eyes, Mel rolled hers. God, the woman was so annoying. “Come on, girl, after all we’ve been through you have to be well past tears by now.”

  “I can’t help it. I’m not like you.”

  Mel bristled. She hated being termed different. “What’s that supposed to mean? Because I’m gay, is that what you’re saying?”

  Caryn wiped a sleeve across her face. “No, that’s not what I mean … because you’re so strong, and … and brave. I wish I could be more like you. I hate being afraid all the time.”

  Mel felt a little guilt seep in. For two weeks now, ever since she’d found Caryn cowering in a basement, Mel had been riding her: she was too slow, too weak, too girlie, and too wimpy. But Caryn was right, she was not like her. This high-bred suburban princess had probably never had to work for anything in her life. But Mel work … work of all kinds. But the work that had been the hardest and meant the most was the fight for acceptance and equality. And to Mel that fight was never ending.

  She stood and walked to Caryn. Sighing, she sat in front of her, set her rifle on the ground and reached out, taking Caryn’s hands. “Look, Caryn, I’m sorry if it seems I’m being mean to you, but if we’re going to survive we have to be tough and help each other. If you’re afraid all the time and we have to watch out for you, you become a liability and put us in danger. You understand?”

  Caryn’s tear-streaked face lifted from her knees. Her red eyes locked on Mel. “Then what, you kill me?”

  Mel dipped her head frustrated. “No, that’s never going to happen. What I’m saying is, if you don’t conquer your fears you could get somebody else killed. You don’t want that and we don’t want that.”

  “But, how do I conquer them. I’ve never done the things you and Tara do. I don’t want to be a burden, but every time something happens, I freeze up.”

  “I know it’s not easy, but fear can only control you if you let it. You have to force it someplace in your head where you can lock it away. I wish we had extra bullets we could spare to let you practice shooting, but we can’t afford to. Besides, the noise might draw unwanted attention.”

  Mel stood to check the field again. “I think we’re safe. They’re following Tara. But that might not last. We have to get as far away as possible before they decide to come looking for us.” She reached a hand down and helped Caryn up; the heavy backpack the blonde wore made it a strain. Since Caryn was always afraid and not much use for defense, they made her carry the heaviest bag so Tara and Mel could keep their hands and movements free. The two women stood close. “I promise, Melissa, I’ll work on it. I don’t want to be trouble for you.”

  Mel nodded and looked away. She didn’t believe for an instant that Caryn was capable of overcoming her fears. But she was a survivor, and from what she’d seen in the past month’s travels, precious few of them were left. Mel would not turn her back on Caryn, but she wasn’t about to go easy on her.

  “Come on, we’ll go straight through these woods.”

  “What about Tara? She could be in trouble.”

  Mel frowned. She’d been thinking the same thing. Tara had taken off in the hopes of leading their pursuit away from them. Since no one followed Mel and Caryn, it must have worked. But was she safe? They hadn’t heard any shots, but that might not mean anything. The men chasing her wouldn’t want to shoot, she was too great a prize but, Tara wouldn’t go down without a fight. Mel could only pray Tara was safe and would come back to her, to them.

  Caryn boosted the pack higher on her back and moved off. After one more look behind, Mel slid the glasses in a pocket and followed. She watched Caryn move. The woman had more physical strength than she realized. Mel knew the pack was heavy, yet Caryn walked upright, showing no signs of the burden. Nor did she complain about its bulk.

  She was right about them being different though. Where Caryn was tall and willowy, Mel was shorter and stocky. Caryn was pretty and her hair color was obviously natural. Mel thought herself plain, somewhat muscular and wore her hair almost military short. Tara was a combination of them.

  Tara flew helicopters in the Army. She was on leave, waiting for word of her new assignment when the world changed. To Mel, no one was tougher than Tara. A poster child for the female warrior, she had certainly proved herself since the two had met more than a month ago. A lot of raw power was packed into that small, black frame. She was the ultimate butch woman, except, to Mel’s great disappointment, she wasn’t lesbian. Still, it was hard for Mel to take her eyes off Tara.

  “Should we leave some sort of trail for Tara?”

  “She’ll find us.” Mel pressed forward, passing Caryn to take the lead.

  “How? She has no idea where we are.”

  “Don’t worry, she’s trained. If we keep walking straight, she’ll catch up to us. She led those animals south and when she loses them, she’ll double back. Have confidence in her skills. You’ve seen what she’s capable of.”

  Caryn shuddered. She remembered all right … every night in her dreams. “I know she’s good, but I think I’ll throw in a prayer too.”

  Mel gave a derisive snort. “Knock yourself out. It can’t hurt.”

  They continued for perhaps an hour. Behind her, a plastic cap clicked open. Caryn had opened a water bottle. “How much water do we have left?” she asked without stopping.

  “Eight bottles, I think.”

  “Man, we’re going to have to find a new supply.”

  Something touched her back. Mel reached over her shoulder taking the bottle. She drank two large gulps, looked at the remains and took a small sip. With a third of the water left she handed the bottle back.

  Early September had stayed August hot. The trees still a thick and green canopy making it difficult for anyone to see them. However, the reverse was also true. They might not notice anyone in pursuit until too late. A squirrel darted up a tree. Overhead light pierced the green umbrella. Birds chirped, lending the feeling of normality. And everything was normal in the world, except for the people; both the lack of and the survivors.

  They’d met their share of people along the way. Some were very nice and offered refuge; some, like the band of men they met the night before, had their own agenda. The three women were hopeful when they first came across the encampment, but after looking closer, they noticed th
e camp was made up of mostly men and a few women. One of them looked to be twelve to fourteen. They all looked haggard and unkempt, their eyes hollow and haunted, expressions blank. But, it was the look of fear and the ever so slight shake of the head of the tall, dark-haired woman that had caught Tara’s attention.

  They thanked the men, whose eyes wandered freely over the three women, begging off their invitation to spend the night in the safety of the compound, saying they had to be elsewhere. The men seemed to accept their excuse, but early in the morning, Tara spotted the posse, and the chase began.

  “Caryn, would you hand me a granola bar, please.” To get the bar, Caryn would have to stop and take the bag off her back. That would stop their progress. “Never mind, I’ll get it.” She went behind Caryn, unzipped a pocket and dug inside. She pulled one out and was about to zip the pocket closed when she stopped. “You want me to get you one?”

  “No, thanks. I’ll have one when we break.”

  “It might be a while.”

  “That’s all right, I’ll survive.”

  Mel closed up and took the lead. She crunched and tried to remember the last time she’d seen Caryn eat something. Mel rolled that thought around for a while. The pack held two narrow honey and oat bars. Mel finished one and half of the second. She held it behind. “I can’t eat no more. Finish this for me.”

  “No, that’s all right. You should eat it.”

  “Why’s that?” She made a sudden stop and turned. Caryn ran into her.

  “What?”

  “Why should I eat it instead of you?”

  Caryn shrugged. “You need it more to keep up your strength.”

  “And you don’t? When was the last time you ate?”

  She shrugged again.

  “You’ve been purposely skipping meals, haven’t you?’

  “It’s like you said, I’m a burden. You and Tara deserve most of the food.”

  Mel looked up and muttered, “I can’t believe this.” Her eyes had a hard edge when she dropped them. “You think you’re a burden now? How much more of a burden would you be if we have to carry you? We won’t leave you. So you’ll just hinder our movements and our defensive capabilities. You think you’re doing the right thing, but you’re not. That food is for all of us to share. We’re a team. Now, eat this before I cram it down your throat.”

  With a timid hand, Caryn took the bar.

  “And you’d better eat all of it.” She turned and walked ahead again. Behind, the sound of the crunch was hard to hide. She smiled. A few minutes later, Caryn said, “Thank you.”

  “No problem.”

  They walked on until dusk and found a place to make camp, hoping Tara would appear soon.

  Two

  The blankets they each carried were stretched six feet apart in an eight-foot clearing. They never risked a fire, but at night the woods were chilly. Mel watched Caryn while she set up her bed and went through the pack to find food. Caryn’s jeans hung on her to the point of defying gravity. Mel shook her head. As much as Caryn annoyed her, grudgingly she had to give her respect. She might be a wimp, but she’d survived, so far. And sacrificing her food portions so she and Tara could have more went a long way, in Mel’s mind, to overshadowing her many weaknesses.

  As Caryn doled out their meager meal, Mel said, “Caryn, we’ll find other food. I appreciate what you’re doing, but not eating your fair share will make you weak and more of a burden than you … uh, you won’t have the strength to keep up the long hikes we take.”

  “I know I’m a burden, Mel. I promise I’ll work on being stronger. I don’t want you to feel you can’t trust me. I’m very grateful to you and Tara for bringing me along and for your friendship.”

  The last comment brought a twinge of guilt. Mel nodded, not knowing what to say without being insulting. She looked over what she had to eat, compared with Caryn. The amounts looked the same. She popped the pull tab on a can of pineapple chunks and opened a bottle of water. Caryn opened a can of green beans. Halfway down the can, they switched. They split a can of chicken and each ate a granola bar. For desert, Caryn handed out three ginger snaps.

  Mel used a folding shovel to dig a hole deep enough to bury the trash and covered it. By the time she settled back on her blanket Caryn had her backpack emptied, the items organized in front of her. Keeping an inventory of the supplies was her task.

  “Four waters, a bag and a half of cookies.” As she counted, she replaced the items in her bag. “Four cans of fruit and veggies, one of chicken, one tuna, two bags of jerky, six granola bars.” The blanket was empty. “That’s it I’m afraid. I figure if we stretch things we can make two more days when Tara arrives.”

  She zipped the various pouches and put the bag to the side. “I wish Tara would get here, I’m worried about her.”

  “She’ll be all right,” Mel said, but in truth, was worried too.

  They sat in silence, lost in their thoughts. Mel broke the spell. “She’ll be all right,” she repeated, as if trying to convince herself. “Let’s get some rest.”

  Caryn stretched out on her bed, pulling the top blanket over her. As she did every night, she offered up prayers for her husband and children. Most nights the memories of her family brought silent tears. She finished with one for Tara and Mel, then prayed for strength and that their journey be safe.

  As usual, her thoughts and the sounds of the night kept her awake long after Mel began her soft snoring. Eventually, exhaustion took her under, but it didn’t stop her dreams. She ran blindly, in a panic, through an unending thick forest. The branches ripped at her skin, but her fear kept her racing onward. Dark shapes pursued her. No matter what she did, they always found her and did horrible things.

  In the morning, she woke as exhausted as when she went to sleep. Mel still snored. Caryn sat up and stretched. Her back felt tight. Standing, Caryn went through a series of exercises to loosen her sore muscles.

  Reaching into the pack she pulled out a roll of toilet paper and a small bottle of hand sanitizer and walked away from the camp. Mel was stirring when she came back. She dug out a granola bar, a bottle of water and her remaining water from the night’s meal. She placed the full bottle and granola bar next to Mel and sipped her water until it was gone.

  Mel shot up to a sitting position when she woke, confusion on her face. Swinging her head around, she took in the surroundings as if trying to remember how she got there. She always woke with a start, taking several minutes to remember where she was. She rubbed her face and twisted her trunk from side-to-side to loosen up.

  With a sudden thought, Mel looked around their camp with a purpose. “Tara hasn’t made it back?”

  Caryn shook her head. “No.”

  “Damn!” She stood and circled the camp.

  “Maybe she couldn’t find us.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” Mel continued trying to peer through the trees.

  Returning to her pack, she dug inside and came out with her roll of toilet paper. Noticing the water and bar, she said, “Let’s eat on the move. Be ready to go when I come back,” her voice hard, the words sounding angry.

  “Okay.”

  Mel stopped and looked at her. A twinge of regret hit her. She shouldn’t take out her worry about Tara on Caryn. Noticing the empty bottle, Mel said, “Where’s your bar?”

  “I-uh, I was up early and ate already.” She busied herself rolling her blankets to avoid making eye contact.

  “I hope you did. Remember what I said last night. I need you strong and able to keep up. You can’t do that without fuel.”

  “I know.” She placed the roll on top of the pack and tied it in place. She looked back and Mel had gone.

  Ten minutes later they started the day’s walk. The morning pace was brisk. Caryn worked hard to keep up. Thirty minutes later they hit a dirt road. Mel held up a hand stopping at the tree line. Caryn moved up. Across the road was a cornfield that stretched farther than the eye could see. The road to the left was long and flat. To the right, the la
ne disappeared behind several small rises and dips.

  “Do you see anything?”

  “No, but if we cross this road, we’ll be in the open. We could be seen from a long way. We’ll have to run across as fast as we can. Can you do that?”

  “Of course.”

  “Okay, get ready.” Mel gazed left and right once more. “Go.”

  The two women raced across the road toward the safety of the cornfield. On the far side of the dirt track, the ground took a slight dip. Caryn caught the edge and went sprawling. Extending her arms to break her fall, she hit the ground and rolled until the backpack ceased her momentum.

  She turned on her hands and knees and tried to stand. Mel ran back, grabbed under her arm and pulled her to her feet. Caryn ran off balance. Mel let go when they entered the cornfield, and Caryn stumbled to her knees.

  “Damn girl, I can’t take you anywhere.” She meant it as a joke, but it didn’t come out that way.

  Caryn fought the tears back. “I’m sorry. I tripped on something.” She started to get to her feet but became aware of pain in her left hand. Looking, she found a long cut running across her palm, her hand slick with blood. She stared at the wound unable to move.

  “Here, get up and let me help you with that.” Mel peeled off her pack, took out the toilet paper and gently wiped away the blood, exposing the wound. The cut stretched about three inches. Mel opened her water bottle.

  “No, Melissa, we can’t afford to waste water.”

  “We can’t afford for you get an infection either.” She poured some water on the cut and wiped it again. “This may hurt. You’ve got some dirt inside. I’m going to try to get it out. She held the hand tight and dragged the paper inside the cut. Caryn winced and did a dance.

  Done, Mel examined the cut closer. Finding two spots that needed more work she poured more water and finished cleaning. Taking the first aid kit out of Caryn’s pack she applied antiseptic cream, gauze and tape. “That should do it for now. We’ll check it later. Maybe you should take one of these antibiotics.”